Why do we try to hide

the way we feel for members of the opposite sex?

I went to a pool party tonight (which of course means 40% actually swimming, 60% being fish out of water-I, being one of those fishies tonight) and I had a decent time. Scratch that...I actually had a really entertaining time! I enjoyed watching the crowd. Looking at each individual and knowing the few things that I know, it was funny to think things like "okay I see...You were hanging out with this girl last night, who just made out with that guy last week and she really likes him, but now she's hanging out with you for the attention since she's not getting it from Mr. Makeout, but you're actually into her friend..." yeah that's pretty accurate. Besides watching people from a short distance I got to talk to a few friends I hadn't seen in a while and also meet a few new {cute} faces!

(TN)2 tried to take advantage of two boys riding in our car with us to 4th Meal, so we asked them what their first impression of me was, and we told them to be completely honest...so they were. They said they were actually talking about it the other day-didn't know how my name came up-and said that I can come off as intimidating sometimes! One of them said that when they first met me they thought I had an attitude that "I was better than them; stuck up" but that I had extreme confidence. (I truthfully don't feel that way at all-towards anyone really), but I was glad that they were honest with me because frankly, it's nice to know how others perceive you! That word though...intimidating...depriving of confidence or hope or enthusiasm and hence often deterring action...intimidating...(read like in a Spelling Bee) is that a good or a bad thing? Doesn't sound too happy to me. Anyway, I learned something new about myself tonight that could help me be more aware of my actions and body language with newbies in the future if I choose to let it. To really 'choose' is a difficult process...but we'll save that for a later post.

So after my night consisting of flirting-as it so often does and should-, friends, and insight, I decided to pull out one of my Elementary School Year Books (not too sure where the inspiration came from). It happened to be one from my fourth grade. As I flipped through my class pictures I read the words "I don't like" written over a few boys' pictures that previously had a heart drawn on them, now scribbled out. Why did I do this? Perhaps it was because of vulnerability at such a young age, or maybe one of them said or did something that hurt my feelings (which I guess is a definition of vulnerability) and so I decided they all deserved an "I don't like"...

So why do we try to hide?