Today...

Today I didn't feel like getting out of bed. I didn't want to be social this weekend, and I didn't feel like there was anything worth doing, so my bed was my best option.

Today I almost got the courage to go up and bare my testimony in church...I froze. There was a lump in my throat and I started to get the chills as I often do when I'm nervous. I let fear rule me today. Fear, you suck! ...Maybe next month.

Today I am done trying. I am tired of constantly trying to build you up. You are a negative person. I am constantly feeling stressed or put down when I am around you. I am a builder and I don't need wreckers in my life. GET OVER YOURSELF.

Today I don't like anyone in Arizona besides my family. I want to leave. Perhaps a roadtrip is on the horizon.

Today I miss you like crazy. I hate that you aren't here with us. I feel incomplete. It's not that I don't feel like there's nothing to live for-I love life. I believe in life. I just feel like the excitement, the zest for life has been silenced with your passing. I miss your laugh, your smile, your charm, your words of advice, your incredible personality and sense of humor. I miss your dancing, your singing, the way you're the only one who could make me smile when I'm upset just by telling me not to smile. I am sad that mom doesn't have you here.

Today I am humbled. And I must look to tomorrow.